Emotion Regulation
Understanding and steering feelings
Skills for understanding what emotions are, naming them, and nudging them in a helpful direction over time.
What it is
Emotion regulation is the longer game behind distress tolerance: reducing how often painful emotions flare, how strong they get, and how long they last. It starts with noticing emotions early — as body signals — and naming them. You can't steer what you can't see.
Why it helps
Many neurodivergent people feel emotions intensely but find them hard to identify or describe (sometimes called alexithymia) — or emotions arrive suddenly, like a wave with no build-up. Naming a feeling accurately ("that's disappointment, not anger") already takes some of its charge away, and it tells you which skill actually fits.
Core skills
Name the emotion
Build a precise emotion vocabulary. "Frustrated, embarrassed, and tired" gives you far more handles than "bad."
Example: Feeling "off" all afternoon, Finn checks his body — tight jaw, hot face — and realises: "I'm actually annoyed about what my friend said."
Try the lesson →Check the facts
Does the feeling's intensity match the situation? "They haven't replied" can mean many things — check before acting on the loudest story.
Example: Rosa's friend didn't reply for hours and she felt sure they were angry. Checking the facts: her friend was at practice. The fear dropped.
Try the lesson →Opposite action
When the emotion doesn't fit the facts, act opposite to its urge: connect gently when sad urges withdrawal, approach when fear is unfounded.
Example: Feeling embarrassed and wanting to hide in his room, Theo chooses to join the family for dinner and says one thing about his day.
Try the lesson →Build positive experiences
Short-term: small good things daily. Long-term: work toward values and relationships that make good days more likely.
Example: Every Friday, Mia and her mum go for a hot chocolate and talk about the best bit of their week.
Try the lesson →Build mastery
Do one thing a day that makes you feel capable — a skill, a chore, a level. Competence is an antidote to helplessness.
Example: Ollie is learning to cook one new meal a week. Each small success makes him feel more capable.
Try the lesson →PLEASE the body
Treat physicaL illness, balanced Eating, avoid mood-Altering substances, balanced Sleep, Exercise. A rested body regulates far better.
Example: Jess notices she's snappiest on days she skips lunch and stays up late gaming — so she sets a snack reminder and a wind-down alarm.
Try the lesson →How to practice
- 1
Twice a day, do a quick 'weather report': what's the emotional weather right now, and where do you feel it in your body?
- 2
Track one week and look for patterns — time of day, hunger, noise, social demands.
- 3
Choose one PLEASE element to improve this week (usually sleep or regular meals pays off fastest).
- 4
Once named, ask: does the intensity fit the facts? Then pick a fitting action.
Try it now: Body-first emotion check-in
- Close your eyes and scan from head to toes. Where is there tension, heat, heaviness, or flutter?
- Give the body feeling a location and a size ("chest, tight, 7/10").
- Ask: if this feeling could speak, which emotion word fits? Check a feelings list if words won't come.
- Write the word down. Naming it is already regulating it.
Lessons: build the skill step by step
Short, practical lessons that build on this overview. Do them in order, together or on your own.
- 1The emotion weather report3 min · Build the naming habit: a quick, low-pressure check-in you can do daily.
- 2Check the facts5 min · Practice separating what actually happened from the story your brain told about it.
- 3Opposite action, small edition5 min · Try acting opposite to an emotion's urge in a low-stakes situation.
- 4Name it: body clue detective5 min · Use body signals to find the name of a feeling.
- 5Check the facts: evidence board6 min · See whether the emotion fits what actually happened.
- 6Opposite action: tiny brave step5 min · Act opposite to an unhelpful urge, in a small way.
- 7Positive experiences: plan one this week5 min · Add one small enjoyable thing on purpose.
- 8Build mastery: just-hard-enough goal5 min · Pick a small challenge that builds confidence.
- 9PLEASE: body basics check-in5 min · Spot which body basics affect your mood.
For your family
Make naming emotions routine and low-pressure — a two-word weather report at dinner beats an interrogation. Parents: accept the reported feeling without correcting it ("you say it's more disappointment than anger — okay"). For teens who struggle to find words, feelings wheels and body-based descriptions are legitimate vocabulary.
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